I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
