I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's always time for handjobs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
