I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
