I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
