thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
