so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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