I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
