I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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