I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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