there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
