There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
