I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
