tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
