Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
