Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
