Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
