On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
