i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
