i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
