Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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