I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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