remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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