Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
