You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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