I got chris browned last night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
