Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
