Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
