Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
