my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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