Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
