I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
