A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Someone came in the potted fern
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
