If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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