I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
