Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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