I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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