It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
