dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
