...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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