Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
