White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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