her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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