Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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