you guys were way drunker than both of me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
