I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
