Kiss
Puke
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
