I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
