I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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