He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
