Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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