we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your penis caused this!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
