I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
