u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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